The Messy Room

There was a child who did not like putting their toys away. Over time, their room became cluttered, making it hard to find their way around. The child became frustrated, constantly stumbling over different toys and struggling to find the things they loved. In an attempt to make some space in their messy room, the child threw all the toys they were not using into a large wardrobe and pushed the door shut. The door bulged under the weight of all the unwanted toys, and although the child could now focus on the toys and games they loved, and had space to move around, the bulging doors of the wardrobe lingered in the back of their mind, threatening to burst open at any time.

One day, the doors flung open, spewing all the unwanted toys across the room, creating a terrible mess. The child was so upset, and wondered how on earth they would tidy up all this mess alone. Then, someone who had been in the next room and heard the terrible commotion came. The person offered to help the child sort through the mess, and, over time, they carefully packed all the unwanted toys back into the wardrobe. Together, they carefully discarded the things the child no longer needed and neatly stacked the items the child was not ready to let go of, creating plenty of space. Eventually, the child was able to do this by themselves and when things got really messy again, as things do from time to time, the child was able to ask another person for help.

If you are also attending parenting sessions with me, I believe it's important to inform your child. Have a conversation with your child about how the issues they are facing are something the whole family needs to think about and understand better.

The perception of therapy often revolves around talking about our problems. The idea of talking may feel daunting for a child or young person. It's important for children and adolescents to understand that there's no pressure to talk in therapy. I recommend avoiding terms like 'someone to talk to about...' or 'a place you can talk about...' Instead, explain that the therapy room will be equipped with art materials and toys, allowing them to draw, paint, or play. Essentially, they can use the room in any way they like as long as it's safe. The therapist's role is to help them make sense of their problems and provide assistance. It's okay if your child is feeling anxious; explain that you will join them for the first session, and you can even share how you might be feeling a little apprehensive. Look at my website together and show your child my photo. With younger children, you can get them to imagine what kind of person I might be.

If your child is reluctant, emphasise that it might feel scary, but it is important because the problems they are experiencing are not going to go away on their own. The first few sessions together will be about me getting to know your child. There is no pressure to address their problems straight away.

When to tell them

Children need time to process new information. With younger children, I suggest informing them about the appointment a week before the first session. If you live nearby, consider walking past the practice so your child can familiarise themselves with the location. You could even plan to visit a café after the appointment, letting the child choose which one. Normalising the experience as much as possible is crucial.

With adolescents, it's advisable to give them more time to adjust to the idea of therapy. Therefore, I recommend initiating discussions with them earlier. Older children may have friends who are already in therapy, and if appropriate, they might want to talk to them about it.